Last night, we lay in each other’s arms. A faint light emitting through the shirt I had hanging over my laptop. I don’t know why I keep it on at all times. Maybe to keep the dark at bay? But with her here, her heart beating in perfect tune with my own, I didn’t mind the darkness so much. With her near me, I felt as though nothing could go wrong in my life. I felt whole. It was as if our chaotic past had begun fading away. Shooting glowing embers into space, where they lingered long enough to pave the way forward for us. I finally understood what it truly meant to love. It felt as if the barriers that kept our two worlds separate had been broken. We lay in bed – entwined, unified. I wanted nothing more than for that moment to last forever.
The word frightens me. I have said many a time, over the years, that I am ready to tap out of ‘the game’. The prospect of settling down and embracing monogamy; perhaps I could devote myself to that one special woman. Even though the mere thought of commitment scares me, I yearned to give myself to her completely as I lay there in her arms. We shut the world out completely. I found myself shaking with anticipation at the promise our union presents. I found myself melting with every stroke of her hand down the length of my arm, yearning with every breath to be closer to her … closer than the laws of physics allows.